HAPPY HALLOWEEN

I love halloween. It means there is only one more day to go until I can start lugging out the Christmas decorations!!!. My little "monsters" will be sporting "Optimus Prime" And the Cutest Little "dragonfly" I have ever seen tonight. Thankfully my kids are still young enough that I can take them out for an hour and a half and that's plenty. At least the full moon has passed. At least in our family I got a phone call from Logan's teacher yesterday that he mooned the yard duty teacher!! I wasn't sure whether to laugh outloud or to be embarrassed. Well I don't do embarrassment very well so I laughed my butt off. Of course when he came home we talked about it and he now understands that he is not to bare any private parts in public. At least until he's a teenager. Here's hoping school gets easier for the students and the parents after the first year.

Serenity Now!!!

Well it has truly been one hell of a year.
I have had so little time to relax with my thoughts that I forgot my bloggin password! That was the sign to myself that it was time to restart my therapy. So here I am, resolved to start anew.
I cannot honestly say that I have enjoyed 2008. For one reason or another, it has been persistently biting me in the ass. Short form: Last spoke to my father in March or April, Best friends' 5 year relationship ends....not so well, Logan starts school ( Exciting but stressful), Kids getting sick with things they can't cure or fix, Every goddamn card I have expired (s) this year. what a pain in the ass. Truck needs major work, which we of course cannot afford. And here I am destined to spend yet another winter in this shoebox I call a house, with no room to breathe. Grrrrrr. But I was always taught you shouldn't go to sleep angry ( lol ya right who would sleep)
so I will end on a positive note. Since February of 2008 I have managed to lose 70 pounds. This is the one thing I can say about 2008(other than happy kids and spouse) that makes me smile. It's not been a smooth or easy ride, but it's working, and I am determined to keep on working it until I reach my goal. So blog. It's you and me again, and I am hoping that you are going to help me vent my crap out here, instead of on some poor unsuspecting passerby, and keep me sane. No pressure.

Tidbits

Oh blog how I've missed you. I have had no personal time at all lately and it is beginning to show in my mood. What I thought was going to be a quiet weekend with just the kids, has turned into me cooking supper for about 6 people. Not that I don't enjoy having company but sometimes I would like enough notice so that I could be prepared. Nooooo, now I have to drag two kids under the age of 4 to a grocery store on a holiday weekend. Big Fun!! Is it Christmas yet? Thanksgiving is such a tease. As an allergy sufferer and as a pure elf at heart I can't wait till Christmas. Well I guess that's it for now since my son is standing naked in the doorway asking me which pair of pants he should wear. He's such a fashion forward 3 year old..

What goes around comes around.

I find myself in a very precarious situation.

Four to five years ago I was married to a man who let's just say was not for me. My friends tried to tell me, but I was convinced I had done the best I could do. Turned out I was wrong. Luckily for me I finally grew backbone enough and ended the relationship. Now, 31/2 years later I am in a stable, loving relationship, with 2 wonderful kids.

My dilemma?

I have a friend. Whose husband is shall we say......an asshole. He shows very little respect or regard for her physical or emotional well being. He does very little for his kids, as far as we the outside world can tell. He is 100% worried about himself. It all sounds a little too familiar. How do I help her? I find myself at a loss being on the other side. I know the only thing I can do, is be supportive of her and allow her to make her own decision. It is so frustrating. I don't want to see her continually sick, and tired and stressed, and alone. But how do I make her see that? I know there is love there. In those far too fleeting moments, you can hear it in her voice. Once in a blue moon he will do something selfless, (which I believe is almost always prompted by a phone call from her mother), and then you can see it in her face. When does the bad out-weigh the good? What does it take to see the whole picture? For me it was Logan. For her it will be something different I'm sure.

So I bite my tongue. Spend long hours on the phone. Buy stock in Tim Horton's, and keep gas in the tank.

To those friends I mentioned at the beginning. THANK YOU. I had no idea how much of a strain a bad personal relationship can have on a friendship.

Please, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I
cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Just One

I can not even begin to explain how awful my day was at work today. I actually cried. I was so overwhelmed, and stressed, and running chicken like that I forgot the most important thing to remember in my new job. I am one person. I am one person, in a new position. I received one day of training, which was basically a tour. Now ...."Sink or Swim". What if I choose to tread water. Then what. The wonderful thing is....I have a boss. A few of them. One in particular that I report directly to. So I guess that means, if I have too much work, she either doesn't have enough, or she needs to hire. Either way, the resolution lies with her. No more unpaid overtime. No more buying my own supplies. No more being ignored when I have a question. I will do the best I can with what I have been given and the rest is up to her.

Sounds simple right... I had this wonderful epiphany as I watched my baby girl crawl for the first time tonight. Yesterday she cut her first tooth. My real job? My real job is at home. I go to work so I can enjoy more things with my family. Not to be so stressed out and overworked that I can't spend time with them. Tomorrow I try to start fresh. Spending the day with my kids, my night at work then off for 2..... o blog...I feel better already...where have you been.

Passing the Torch

Well I think I've done it. I have successfully done to my children what I swore I would never do.
I grew up in a somewhat entangled, broken, mended, uprooted family tree. No major complaints, just that I was "different". I swore that I would never allow my children to be put through the same hard aches I had to endure as a child. Who is my daddy? What is the difference between"daddy" and a father. Where is he? Can I have more than one daddy?
Well I have done it. My ex-husband decided the other day that he wanted to visit with Logan. I of course have never denied any request for visitation, so I arranged it. Watching my son drive away in the back of his car, made me nauseated. Angry. Worried.....I can't even describe the range of emotions. How dare he after more than a year of not taking him anywhere, he decide he's ready to spend time with him. How is it possible that it's even O.K.. You barely call, maybe once every 2 weeks, and that's being generous. You show up for birthdays and the odd special occasion to spend a few hours here with him. You complain to me you can't see him when you want to because of your hectic work schedule, yet you pay no child support.
What have I done. I have created the same mess for Logan that I have myself.
NO!
I am in a stable loving relationship with a man who loves me and both of my children equally.
I never bad mouth or talk negatively of my ex-husband in front of Logan.
My children will always have a home with me.
I will allow Logan to make his own decisions, about his father when he is old enough, and not try to tell him what he has to do.
This is all more than I had.
Little by little I am trying to fix the Karma.
Maybe if I do everything I can for my kids; my grand kids, or great-grand kids, will have the happy, stable, normal family tree I crave for them.

Magical Powers

I have "MAGICAL POWERS". I didn't know it for sure until recently, but I certainly must have them. I think other people knew before me, because they seem to be using them better than I myself can. If I could only find a way to tap into them on a regular basis, I would have everything all figured out. I didn't actually discover them myself, but due to the way I have been treated by some of the people in my life lately, I feel this is the only answer.
According to these people I should be able to:

1. Read minds
2. Move faster than the speed of light
3. Make money grow on trees
4. Be in 2 places at once.

So for those people who seem to know that I have these powers, could you please help me figure out how to use them. I feel this would save us all a lot of time and energy. Especially energy wasted on me pulling my hair out when I can't figure it out on my own.

I think maybe I will make this a memo, and mail it to those in need.